Bible Pickin’s – Exodus pt1

I have been reading books for over 49 years. The Old Testament is the most difficult text I have ever read. I am determined to finish reading this mind-numbing story with filled with gigantic plot holes.

Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, issued a command that all Hebrew midwives were to kill all  male babies born to Hebrew women. Female babies could live.

A man married a daughter of Levi (priest). She gave birth to a boy. After three months she built an ark made of bulrushes (wetlands plant) and covered it with slime and pitch. She placed her son in the ark and set it in the flags by the river’s edge.

The daughter of Pharaoh found the ark and said “This [is one] of the Hebrew’s children.”  The child’s sister offered to get a Hebrew woman to nurse it. The daughter of Pharaoh accepted the offer. The daughter of Pharaoh took the child as her own. She named him Moses.

Why would the daughter of Pharaoh take a male Hebrew child as her own knowing that her father wanted all male children dead? It seems to me that the last thing you would want to do is piss off Pharaoh.

Fast forward: Moses is a man. He saw an Egyptian hitting a Hebrew. Moses looked around, saw no witnesses, and killed the Egyptian. He buried the corpse in the sand.

What moral lesson can we glean from Moses’ behavior? Should we teach our children the importance of violence and the killing of others?

Pharaoh heard about what Moses had done and decreed that Moses must be killed. Moses fled to Midian (either the east shore of the Gulf of Aqaba on the Red Sea, a league of tribes, or a son of Abraham – take your pick). He sat by a well. Bit of a slacker, eh?

The priest of Midian had seven daughters. They brought their flock of sheep to the well. Some shepherds drove the flock away from the well. Moses helped the women water their flock. When they returned home they told their father what Moses had done. To show his appreciation the priest welcomed Moses into his home and fed him. He gave his daughter, Zipporah, to Moses. Ziporah bore Moses a son. They named him Gershom.

Fast forward: Moses brought his father-in-law’s flock of sheep to Hoeb, the mountain of God. An angel of the LORD appeared in the guise of a burning bush. Moses looked away from the burning bush. The LORD spoke to Moses from the burning bush. I guess the LORD was in the flame with the angel. The LORD told Moses to take off his shoes because he was standing on holy ground. The LORD told Moses he heard the cries and saw the affliction of the children of Israel in Egypt. The LORD told Moses to  go to Pharaoh and bring all the children of Israel out of Egypt.

Moses told the LORD that no one would believe God spoke to him. The LORD told Moses to throw his rod (staff) onto the ground. It turned into a serpent. Moses picked up the snake by the tail and it turned back into a rod. The LORD said that the children of Israel would believe him now. But Moses didn’t want to go. He told the LORD that he had terrible speaking skills. The LORD told Moses not to worry, he would be “with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.”

Wouldn’t it have been easier if God went and freed the children of Israel instead of spending all this time trying to coerce Moses into doing something he flat out didn’t want to do? I’m sure Moses hadn’t forgotten the death warrant issued against him.

Moses and his family move to Egypt. Moses entered the land of Pharaoh carrying a stick that turned into a serpent.

Now things get really weird: The LORD told Moses to show the rod to Pharaoh. Okay, I’m thinking that once Pharaoh sees the magic cane he’ll release the children of Israel in order to please the LORD. The LORD says that while Moses is showing the rod to Pharaoh he will harden the king’s heart so that HE WON’T let the people go. Huh? This is stupid. {4:22} And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD, Israel [is] my son, [even] my firstborn: {4:23} And I say unto thee, Let my son go, that he may serve me: and if thou refuse to let him go, behold, I will slay thy son, [even] thy firstborn.

From out of the blue: {4:24} And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the LORD met him (Him? Him who?) and sought to kill him. How does a deity try to kill someone? The LORD snapped his fingers and created the universe, how come he  can’t snap his fingers and kill someone? {4:25} Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son (why why why) and cast [it] at his feet, (who’s feet?) and said, Surely a bloody husband [art] thou to me. {4:26] So he let him go: (sigh, who?) then she said, A bloody husband [thou art] because of the circumcision.

How could anyone support genital mutilation?

Aaron ( Moses’ brother) told the elders of the children of Israel all that the LORD told Moses to say. The elders believe him.

Moses gets a little ballsy now.  Moses and Aaron stand before Pharaoh. They tell him all that the LORD told Moses to say. The LORD kept his end of the bargain, Pharaoh said he didn’t know the LORD and will not obey him. Moses was relieved that Pharaoh doesn’t recognize him. Pharaoh decrees that the children of Israel will no longer receive the straw that they needed to make bricks. That’ll show ‘em.

{7:1} And the LORD said unto Moses, See, I have made thee a god  to Pharaoh: and Aaron thy brother shall be thy prophet.

If the Bible is the inerrant and infallible word of God then the LORD making Moses a god is significant. How come no one has ever brought this up before? Or was the LORD speaking out of context?


About izziferreel

Freethinker. Drummer, Singer, Songwriter: The Third Eye, Blackbird13, The Avantguardians. Actor: Raving Maniacs, Feeding the Masses. Also produced, wrote and acted in my short film Lonelyman51. Writer: lyrics, radio drama, horror tales and social criticism.
This entry was posted in The Bible and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s