Bible Pickin’s – Numbers


Strange. The second year after they left Egypt the LORD told Moses to take all males twenty years old and upward and form an army “to go forth to war in Israel.” I thought it took forty years to reach Canaan (Israel)? Or could it be the migratory herd (children of Israel) that is Israel?
The LORD was short of cash so he levied a tax on (“those that are to be redeemed”) all the firstborns of the children of Israel. Five shekels a pop.
Badger skins were to be used to cover the  ark of testimony. The ark of testimony (the covenant) was a chest containing the stone tablets of the Ten Commandments, Aaron’s Rod, a jar of manna (food made by god), and the first Torah scroll written by Moses.
If a woman was accused of adultery (never the man) the priest would put holy water in an earthen vessel and add dust from the floor to it. The woman would drink the water. If she was an adulterer her belly would swell and her thighs would rot.
The LORD is a simpleton who loves to be worshipped. If you displease him in any way he will burn you, send a plague, or smite you with pestilence and disinherit you.
The LORD asked Moses and Aaron how long he must put up with “this evil congregation, which murmur against me?” The LORD said “And your children shall wander in the wilderness for forty years, and bear your whoredoms, until your carcasses be wasted in the wilderness.” Nice guy.
While in the wilderness the children of Israel found a man gathering sticks on the Sabbath. The LORD said the man was to be taken out of the camp and stoned to death. The congregation complied with the LORD’s wishes.
The LORD made the earth open its mouth and swallow the Korah congregation. They went alive into the pit and the earth closed up.
Moses struck a rock with his rod and water gushed out. You realize that this is impossible.
The children of Israel are tired and cranky. They spoke against the LORD. So the god of love sent fiery serpents among the children of Israel and many died. The children of Israel admit that they have sinned against the LORD. They asked Moses to ask the LORD to take the serpents away. Now, it seems to me that the LORD would only have to will the serpents away and, poof, they would be gone. But no… {21:8} And the LORD said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that everyone that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live. {21:9} And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it on a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived.

The children of Israel had access to a hard copy of the Ten Commandments in the ark of testimony. The fifth commandment reads:
Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
— Exodus 20:4-6 (KJV
The LORD may be exempt from obeying his own rules but his believers are not. If the children of Israel had a Human Resources department they could have filed a grievance against god for forcing them to not follow procedures.

Moses spied on the city of Jaazer. The children of Israel drove the Amorites out and took the city.     Their next conquest was Bashan and the battle of Edrei. {21:34} And the LORD said unto Moses, Fear him not: for I have delivered him into thy hand, and all his people, and his land; and thou shalt do to him as thou didst unto Sihon king of the Amorites, which dwelt at Heshbon. {21:35}  So they smote him, and his sons, and all his people, until there was none left him alive: and they possessed his land.

{25:1} And Israel abode in Shittim, and the people began
to commit whoredom with the daughters of Moab. {25:2}
And they called the people unto the sacrifices of their gods:
and the people did eat, and bowed down to their gods.
{25:3} And Israel joined himself unto Baal-peor: and the
anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel. {25:4} And
the LORD said unto Moses, Take all the heads of the
people, and hang them up before the LORD against the sun,
that the fierce anger of the LORD may be turned away from
Israel. {25:5} And Moses said unto the judges of Israel,
Slay ye every one his men that were joined unto Baal-peor.
{25:6} And, behold, one of the children of Israel came
and brought unto his brethren a Midianitish woman in the
sight of Moses, and in the sight of all the congregation of
the children of Israel, who [were] weeping [before] the door
of the tabernacle of the congregation. {25:7} And when
Phinehas, the son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron the priest,
saw [it,] he rose up from among the congregation, and took
a javelin in his hand; {25:8} And he went after the man of
Israel into the tent, and thrust both of them through, the man
of Israel, and the woman through her belly. So the plague
was stayed from the children of Israel. {25:9} And those
that died in the plague were twenty and four thousand.

{31:1} And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, {31:2}
Avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites: afterward
shalt thou be gathered unto thy people. {31:3} And Moses
spake unto the people, saying, Arm some of yourselves unto
the war, and let them go against the Midianites, and avenge
the LORD of Midian. {31:4} Of every tribe a thousand,
throughout all the tribes of Israel, shall ye send to the war.
{31:5} So there were delivered out of the thousands of
Israel, a thousand of [every] tribe, twelve thousand armed
for war. {31:6} And Moses sent them to the war, a thousand
of [every] tribe, them and Phinehas the son of Eleazar the
priest, to the war, with the holy instruments, and the
trumpets to blow in his hand. {31:7} And they warred
against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses;
and they slew all the males. {31:8} And they slew the kings
of Midian, beside the rest of them that were slain; [namely,]
Evi, and Rekem, and Zur, and Hur, and Reba, five kings of
Midian: Balaam also the son of Beor they slew with the
sword. {31:9} And the children of Israel took [all] the
women of Midian captives, and their little ones, and took
the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their
goods. {31:10} And they burnt all their cities wherein they
dwelt, and all their goodly castles, with fire. {31:11} And
they took all the spoil, and all the prey, [both] of men and of
beasts. {31:12} And they brought the captives, and the prey,
and the spoil, unto Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and unto
the congregation of the children of Israel, unto the camp at
the plains of Moab, which [are] by Jordan [near] Jericho.
{31:13} And Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and all the
princes of the congregation, went forth to meet them
without the camp. {31:14} And Moses was wroth with the
officers of the host, [with] the captains over thousands, and
captains over hundreds, which came from the battle.
{31:15} And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the
women alive? {31:16} Behold, these caused the children of
Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass
against the LORD in the matter of Peor, and there was a
plague among the congregation of the LORD. {31:17} Now
therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill
every woman that hath known man by lying with him.
{31:18} But all the women children, that have not known a
man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. {31:19}
And do ye abide without the camp seven days: whosoever
hath killed any person, and whosoever hath touched any
slain, purify [both] yourselves and your captives on the third
day, and on the seventh day. {31:20} And purify all [your]
raiment, and all that is made of skins, and all work of goats’
[hair,] and all things made of wood.

{33:50} And the LORD spake unto Moses in the plains of
Moab by Jordan [near] Jericho, saying, {33:51} Speak unto
the children of Israel, and say unto them, When ye are
passed over Jordan into the land of Canaan; {33:52} Then
ye shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land from before
you, and destroy all their pictures, and destroy all their
molten images, and quite pluck down all their high places:
{33:53} And ye shall dispossess [the inhabitants] of the
land, and dwell therein: for I have given you the land to
possess it. {33:54} And ye shall divide the land by lot for an
inheritance among your families: [and] to the more ye shall
give the more inheritance, and to the fewer ye shall give the
less inheritance: every man’s [inheritance] shall be in the
place where his lot falleth; according to the tribes of your
fathers ye shall inherit. {33:55} But if ye will not drive out
the inhabitants of the land from before you; then it shall
come to pass, that those which ye let remain of them [shall
be] pricks in your eyes, and thorns in your sides, and shall
vex you in the land wherein ye dwell. {33:56} Moreover it
shall come to pass, [that]I shall do unto you, as I thought
to do unto them.

Sheesh, do you think the children of Israel will one day experience repercussions for their god-approved actions committed thus far?


About izziferreel

Freethinker. Drummer, Singer, Songwriter: The Third Eye, Blackbird13, The Avantguardians. Actor: Raving Maniacs, Feeding the Masses. Also produced, wrote and acted in my short film Lonelyman51. Writer: lyrics, radio drama, horror tales and social criticism.
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