BIBLE PICKINS: REVELATION

The Revelation of St. John the Divine.

{1:1} The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave unto him, to shew unto his servants things which must shortly come to pass; and he sent and signified [it] by his angel unto his servant John.

Shortly come to pass? What did he mean by that? Was it a week, a month, a thousand days, or three thousand years?

{1:3} Blessed [is] he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time [is] at hand.

Ah, the time is at hand. He means now, his now.

John the Divine lived on the island of Patmos in Greece. One day he heard a low voice that sounded like a trumpet. The voice/trumpet said, “I am Alpha and Omega, the first and the last.” The first and last what?  “What thou seest, write in a book, and send [it] unto the seven churches.” Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamos, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, and Laodicea.

John turned to look at the speaking trumpet and saw seven golden candlesticks. In the middle of the candlesticks he saw someone that looked like the “Son of man” clothed in a robe and “girt about the paps with a golden girdle.

Something about that does not sound right.

Paps comes from the Greek word “mastos” which means breasts. I wonder if God was wearing heels with that girdle?

There seems to be some confusion regarding who is seated on the throne. At the beginning we read, The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave unto him (John). Is God sitting on the throne? John tells us {1:13} And in the midst of the seven candlesticks [one] like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps with a golden girdle. More later…

God’s hair was as white as snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire. His feet were like brass as if they were burnt in a furnace. He couldn’t wear heels with feet like that.  His voice like the sound of many waters. In his right hand he held seven stars. A sharp two-edged sword came out of his mouth.

What a spooky God. Maybe that explains why he showed up back then when there was no TV. It must be heard to speak with a sword sticking out of your mouth. I guess that’s why many people spoke for him.

To the angel of Ephesus God said if the people didn’t repent he would come back and take his candlestick. God said he hated the deeds of the Nicolaitanes. They were heretics.

The Nicolatitanes didn’t believe in the white haired guy with the fiery red eyes that had a sword sticking out of his mouth.

To the angel of Pergamos God said he knew what they did, he knew where they lived, and he knew where Satan sat. This church was in the grip of Balaam, who taught Balac to put up a roadblock before the children of Israel, to eat food sacrificed to idols, and good ol’ fornication.

It’s always fornication. The one thing we love to do. We’re being set up for failure.

If these people don’t repent God will fight against them with that sword in his mouth.

But wait, there’s more. If they repent in the next ten minutes they’ll not only get to eat some hidden manna, they’ll also get a white stone with a name written on it that only the stone’s owner can see.

Repent today.

To the angel of Thyatria God said Jezebel seduced the people to commit fornication and eat the food offered to the idols. They must repent. Since Jezebel would not repent God vowed to put her into bed along with other fornicators, and they will experience great tribulations.

That’s kinda like making a pedophile a youth leader.

If Jezebel won’t repent God said {2:23} And I will kill her children with death.

Brilliant.

To the angel of Sardis God said they must repent. If they don’t repent God will visit them like a thief in the night, never knowing at what hour he will appear. Those that do repent will get a white robe and their names will not be deleted from the book of life.

If Jesus died for their sins why must they repent?

To the angel of Philadelphia God said this church had followed the rules and did not deny his name. Before this church God opened a door that no man can close. Those that say they are Jews but are not will be part of the synagogue of Satan. God will force these people to worship at the feet of the good people.

I wonder why God didn’t say those that claim to be Christian, but are not, will join the synagogue of Satan?

To the angel of the Laodiceans God said these people are neither hot or cold but lukewarm he will spit them out of his mouth. The Laodiceans say they are rich and lack for nothing but they are really wretched, miserable, poor, blind and naked.

I wonder why the Laodiceans don’t see that they are wretched, miserable, poor, blind and naked? Are they in denial?

Capitalists of the world rejoice! God offers the Laodiceans the key to overcome their wretched, miserable, poor, blind and naked state. BUY STUFF!
{3:18} I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and [that] the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see.

John the Divine heard a talking trumpet say, “Come up hither, and I will shew the things which must be hereafter.” John entered the open door and found himself in heaven. He saw a throne surrounded by a rainbow. He saw God sitting on the throne. Four and twenty elders sat around the throne. They were dressed in white and wore crowns of gold.

Who are these guys? Okay who gave these guys the crowns? When did people start going to heaven? After Jesus died on the cross, or after the events outlined in John the Divine’s fantasy occurred?  How did these guys get to heaven before the Great Tribulation, if no one will be allowed to enter the kingdom of heaven until after the Great Tribulation?

Lightning, thunder, and voices emanated from the throne. Why didn’t God speak for himself? Seven lamps of fire, representing the seven Spirits of God were burning before the throne. There was a sea of glass and four beasts before the throne. Very packed area around that throne, eh? The first beast looked like a lion. The second beast looked like a calf. The third beast had a man’s face. The fourth beast was like an eagle. Each beats had six wings and were “full of eyes within.” For twenty-four hours, never resting, they said: “ Holy, holy, holy, God God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come.”

Why would God need all this activity around him? Didn’t he have anything better to do? And, why would these beasts say that the God “is to come” when the God is sitting right in front of them?

The four and twenty elders remove their crowns and kneel before the throne saying: “ Thou art worthy, O God, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.”

I can see it now, God sitting on his throne, all smiles, saying: “Whose better than me? Whose better than me?”

God is holding a book with seven seals. An angel shouted: “Who is worthy to open the book, and to loose the seals thereof?” John the Divine began to cry because no one could open the book. One of the elders said to John: “Weep not; behold, the Lion of the tribe of Juda, the host of David, hath prevailed to open the book.”

According to Christian doctrine, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the host of David, refers to Jesus Christ. In the Torah it refers to the Israelites. This sure does make it hard to read this text literally. The dead Lamb is supposed to represent Jesus.

A dead Lamb with seven horns and seven eyes took the book from God (?). A choir of angels, beasts and elders sang: “Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing.”

The Lamb opened the first seal. Out popped a white horse. It’s rider had a bow and wore a crown. He rode off with thoughts of conquering on his mind.

The Lamb opened the second seal. A red horse ambled into view. It’s rider was given was given a sword and the power to “take peace from the earth.”

Yeah boy, we don’t need none o’ that peace shit.

The Lamb opened the third seal. A black horse galloped out of the seal. It’s rider held two scales. From out of the midst of the beasts a voice said: “A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and [see] thou hurt not the oil and the wine.”

Okay who gave these guys the crowns?

The Lamb opened the fourth seal. Behold, a pale horse. It’s rider was named Death. Hell followed him. Death could kill with sword, hunger, and death.

How does one kill with death?

The Lamb opened the fifth seal. It revealed all those souls who were killed for the word of God. “How long, O God, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth?” They were given white robes and told to be patient. Soon, the people on earth will be killed.

Lovely.

The Lamb opened the sixth seal. It released an earthquake that shook heaven. The sun turned black, the moon turned red, and the stars fell from the sky. All the islands and mountains moved to new locations. All the Kings, rich men, and free men, hid in caves and asked the rocks to fall on them as a means to hide them from the “face that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb.”

Next, John saw four angels standing at the four corners of the earth holding all the winds. Not a breath of air stirred. Another angel told the four angels they must not hurt the earth and the sea until “we have sealed the servants of our God in the foreheads.” The plan is to mark the foreheads of the one hundred forty-four thousand people from all the “tribes of the Children of Israel.”
Suddenly, people from all over the world appear in front of the throne praising the God.

The God must have brought them all together. They certainly didn’t do it on their own.

John wondered where these people came from. {7:13} And one of the elders answered, saying unto me, What are these which are arrayed in white robes? and whence came they? {7:14} And I said unto him, Sir, thou knowest. And he said to me, These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. {7:15} Therefore are they before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his temple: and he that sitteth on the throne shall dwell among them. {7:16} They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more; neither shall the sun light on them, nor any heat. {7:17} For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.

There was complete silence in heaven for thirty minutes while the Lamb opened the seventh seal. Seven angels with seven trumpets stood before the God. Another angel swung a censer filled with incense. It refilled the censer with fire from the altar and threw it down to earth. While the angels prepared to sound their trumpets the people on earth were frightened by the thunder and lightning as an earthquake shook the earth.

The first angel sounded: hail mixed with fire and blood fell to earth burning trees and grass.

The second angel sounded: a burning mountain fell into the sea. The sea water turned into blood. Sea creatures died and ships were destroyed

The third angel sounded: I guess not all the stars in the sky fell to the earth. A great star fell from heaven. Heaven? Did the God drop it? The star fell into a river. The star was named Wormwood. Some of the rivers became wormwood. Many men died from drinking the bitter water.

The fourth angel sounded: the sun was smitten. Either the sun fell in love or it was dealt a fatal blow. The moon and the stars went dark. Stars? What stars? I thought they all fell from the sky? Angels flew around heaven saying: “Woe, woe, woe, to the inhabitants of earth.”

The fifth angel sounded: Another star fell from heaven to earth. It opened up a bottomless pit. The smoke from the pit darkened the sky and air. Out of this smoke came the locusts. The locusts were ordered by the God to touch only those people who didn’t have “the seal of God on their foreheads.”
These locusts were to torment the people with clean foreheads but not kill them for five months.

Even if these poor bastards wanted to kill themselves they would not die.

The locusts had man faces and wore crowns. They had long hair and lion’s teeth. They wore iron breastplates and their wings sounded like “chariots of many horses running to battle.” They had scorpion tails. Abaddon, the King of the bottomless pit, ruled over the locusts.
The sixth angel sounded: four angels that were bound to the Euphrates River were released and went on a killing spree. Two hundred thousand thousand horsemen with breastplates of fire and brimstone rode horses with lion heads, serpent tails, and emitted smoke, fire, brimstone from their mouthes.

They took part in the killing spree.

God is love.

{9:20} And the rest of the men which were not killed by these plagues yet repented not of the works of their hands, that they should not worship devils, and idols of gold, and silver, and brass, and stone, and of wood: which neither can see, nor hear, nor walk: {9:21} Neither repented they of their murders, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their thefts.

John saw another angel. It wore a cloud, had a rainbow on its head, his face was the sun, and her feet were pillars of fire. He held a book. He put his right foot in the sea. He put his left foot on the land. He roared like a lion. He lifted his hand up to the sky and said earth had run out of time.
John asked for the little book. He ate it and got a belly ache. The angel told John that he must spread the bad news to everybody on earth. The angel also told John to measure the temple of God, but not the court, because the Gentiles will walk the holy city for forty-two months.

The angel said he will give his two witnesses (?) the power to prophesy for a thousand two hundred and threescore days wearing a sackcloth. They have the power to “shut heaven” and change water into blood. They can also release plagues upon the earth.
No one is to harm the two olive trees and two candlesticks standing before the “God of earth.”
Remember dear reader, a loving god ordered this series of events.

After 1203 days the beast will come out of the bottomless pit and kill the two prophets. “And their bodies [shall be] in the street of the great city, which spiritually called Sodom and Egypt, where also the God was crucified.”

Huh? Crucified in Sodom and Egypt? Huh?

For three and a half days the people of the world will rejoice and party. They will celebrate the death of the two prophets who “tormented them that dwelt on earth.” Next, God will enter the bodies of the dead prophets and resurrect them. They will rise up to heaven on a cloud. And, as a bonus, an earthquake will kill seven thousand men.

God is love…

Is God a Sociopath?
Many of the traits found on the you might be sociopath if list include:
Lack of empathy
Cold, calculating nature
Narcissism
Grandiose self image
High IQ (iffy)
Manipulative
Sensitive to criticism
Despotic/Authoritarian

{11:15} And the seventh angel sounded; and there were great voices in heaven, saying, The kingdoms of this world are become [the kingdoms] of our God, and of his Christ; and he shall reign for ever and ever. {11:16} And the four and twenty elders, which sat before God on their seats, fell upon their faces, and worshipped God, {11:17} Saying, We give thee thanks, O Lord God Almighty, which art, and wast, and art to come; because thou hast taken to thee thy great power, and hast reigned. {11:18} And the nations were angry, and thy wrath is come, and the time of the dead, that they should be judged, and that thou shouldest give reward unto thy servants the prophets, and to the saints, and them that fear thy name, small and great; and shouldest destroy them which destroy the earth. {11:19} And the temple of God was opened in heaven, and there was seen in his temple the ark of his testament: and there were lightnings, and voices, and thunderings, and an earthquake, and great hail.

John is having one hell of a trip. Did they do acid back then?

A woman clothed with the sun and the moon under her feet wears a crown made of twelve stars. She is pregnant and about to give birth.
A red dragon -7 heads, 7 horns, 7 crowns – knocked some of the stars out of the sky with his tail. The stars fell to earth. The red dragon saw the pregnant woman. The woman gave birth to a man child “who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron.” The woman offered the child to God. She fled into the wilderness. The red dragon wanted to eat the child. Michael and his angels fought the dragon. The red dragon (Satan) and his minions were cast out of heaven and fell to the earth.
The red dragon chased the woman. She sprouted two wings and flew away. The red dragon vomited water creating a flood to drown her. The earth opened its mouth and swallowed the water.
John saw a beast rise out of the sea (7 heads, 10 horns) Its name was Blasphemy. It looked like a leopard, had the feet of a bear, and the mouth of a lion. The red dragon gave the beast his power. The beast blasphemed against God.

I think I like this critter.

{13:18} Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number [is] Six hundred threescore [and] six.

God, being incredibly inconsistent, had seven angels pour vials filled with God’s wrath onto earth.

Armageddon is a place, not an event.

John saw a woman dressed in purple and scarlet. She wore jewelry made of gold, pearls, and precious stones. She was MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH.

Great title for a reality show.

She was drunk on the blood of saints and martyrs of God Christ.

Who is this girl? Where did she come from? Does anyone have her phone number?

Satan was sent to the bottomless pit and it will be sealed for one thousand years. Satan will be released from his prison and deceive the nations. Then the devil will be tossed into the “lake of fire.”

All these events will usher in a new heaven and hell. God will wipe away man’s tears. There will be no more death, sorrow, or pain. All unbelievers will go to Hell. One of the angels that poured a plague on earth brought John to the new Jerusalem. It had a great wall with twelve gates, each gate will be protected by an angel. Each gate had the name of one of the twelve tribes listed above it. The gates were made of pearl. The streets were made of gold. There was no temple “for the God God Almighty and the Lamb are the temple of it.” The city didn’t need the sun or the moon because the glory of God lit Jerusalem. There will be no night so the city gates won’t have to be locked.

{22:6} And he said unto me, These sayings [are] faithful and true: and the God God of the holy prophets sent his angel to shew unto his servants the things which must shortly be done. {22:7} Behold, I come quickly: blessed is he that keepeth the sayings of the prophecy of this book. {22:8} And I John saw these things, and heard [them.] And when I had heard and seen, I fell down to worship before the feet of the angel which shewed me these things. {22:9} Then saith he unto me, See [thou do it] not: for I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren the prophets, and of them which keep the sayings of this book: worship God. {22:10} And he saith unto me, Seal not the sayings of the prophecy of this book: for the time is at hand. {22:11} He that is
unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let him be holy still. {22:12} And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward [is] with me, to give every man according as his work shall be. {22:13} I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last. {22:14} Blessed [are] they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. {22:15} For without [are] dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
{22:16} I God have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, [and] the bright and morning star. {22:17} And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let
him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.
{22:18} For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add
unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: {22:19} And if any man shall takeaway from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and [from] the things which are written in this book.
{22:20} He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, God God.

Or not…

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About izziferreel

Freethinker. Drummer, Singer, Songwriter: The Third Eye, Blackbird13, The Avantguardians. Actor: Raving Maniacs, Feeding the Masses. Also produced, wrote and acted in my short film Lonelyman51. Writer: lyrics, radio drama, horror tales and social criticism.
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