BIBLE PICKINS: 1 PETER

Sigh. Peter wants us to to abstain from “fleshy lusts.” I suppose if I were a bacterium or a member of the ant species Myococeperus smithii I could reproduce on my own and never succumb to “fleshy lusts.”

Since I am neither an ant or bacterium I am compelled to reproduce the old fashioned way, with a mate, just like God built me to do it.

“Fear God. Honour the King.” King James must have had that command inserted into the text for his own benefit.

“Let them eschew evil.” The God that Peter loves, is he a loving God or an angry God?

Why would a loving god be feared? Why would a loving god sacrifice his own son?¬†¬† Shouldn’t you, dear reader, eschew God?

These a-holes in the bible are fleshy nuts…

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BIBLE PICKINS: JAMES

The General Epistle of James.

“Draw night to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse [your] hands, [ye] sinners; and purify [your hearts], [ye] double minded. Be affected and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned into mourning, and [your] joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.”

Don’t be happy on your own. Get depressed then God will make you happy.

You’re a sick man, James.

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BIBLE PICKINS: HEBREWS

Paul has gotten all old testamenty on us in this letter: Moses, tabernacles, offerings, “our Lord sprang out of Juda,” covenants, cherubims – “Neither by the blood of goats and calves, but by his own blood he entered unto the holy place having obtained eternal redemption [for us].

“And for this cause he is the mediator of the new testament, that by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions [that were] under the first testament, they which are called might receive the promise of eternal inheritance.”

In the first testament (OT) Moses mixed the blood of calves with water, scarlet wool, and hyssop. Moses sprinkled this concoction over the book and the people.

Paul is repudiating the Old Testament. Animal blood has been replaced with Jesus’ blood.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

“For God [is] a consuming fire.”

Hmm, what’s the difference between God and Hell?

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BIBLE PICKINS: Philemon

The Epistle of Paul to Philemon

This letter was written by Paul and Timothy while they were in prison.

“For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother.”

Why didn’t he say the feelings of the saints or the emotions of the saints were refreshed? Why bowels? Well, he was in prison. Maybe it was a Freudian slip.

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BIBLE PICKINS: TITUS

“For there are many unruly and vain talkers and deceivers, specially they of the circumcision: whose mouths must be stopped, who subvert whole houses, teaching things which they ought not, for filthy lucre’s sake.”

Fox News?

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BIBLE PICKENS: 2 TIMOTHY

The Second Epistle of Paul the Apostle to Timothy.

{2:8} Remember that Jesus Christ of the seed of David was raised from the dead according to my gospel.”

Oh really?

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BIBLE PICKINS: 1 TIMOTHY

Paul tells Timothy, his own “son in faith,” that women should wear “modest apparel with shamefacedness¬† and sobriety.” They should not have curled hair, wear gold or pearls, or usurp authority over man. They should be silent.

What? No Burqa?

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